EVERYONE'S GOING APE OVER DONKEY KONG! "HELP! HELP!" cries the beautiful maiden as she is dragged up a labyrinth of structural beams by the ominous Donkey Kong. "SNORT. SNORT" Foreboding music warns of the eventual doom that awaits the poor girl, lest she somehow be miraculously rescued. "But, wait! Fear not, fair maiden. Little Mario, the carpenter, is in hot pursuit of you this very moment"